My oldest daughter was 9 months old and I was feeling ill. I called my doctor and made an appointment. A few days later he called to tell me I was pregnant…again! I have to admit, at first, I was not happy, not because of the new baby but because of who the father was.
A month later I was scheduled for a sonogram to confirm the pregnancy and to determine if possible what the sex of the baby was. Dr. V said, “It looks like a boy.” I’m sorry to say, my first response was not elation. I was afraid of raising a baby boy with someone who was not much of a man and I knew he would not be a good father to my son. I told Dr. V thank you and headed home to tell my Dad, who was caring for my daughter. He was excited for me and couldn’t understand why I was not happier. I just simply told him that I didn’t want another baby with this person I was married to.
The remainder of my pregnancy was great. Dr. V actually set my delivery date on my first daughters birthday. Which would make them “Irish Twins”. I’m not sure where that term came from but always thought it to be cute. She was actually born 3 days later.
The date was upon me and so I went into the hospital to pre-admit myself before heading to the laundromat. As I was about to leave the hospital, Dr. V saw me and asked if I was feeling alright. I said I was tired but ok. He asked me to come with him so they could check me and 15 minutes later my beautiful baby girl was born. Shocked is the only way to describe how I and my doctor were feeling. She wasn’t only the fastest delivery for my doctor, she was also, at that time, the largest naturally birthed baby at 11lbs 4oz and almost 2 ft long. Dark red hair covered her head and her skin was like milk. She was gorgeous. I was so happy she was not a boy and that she was healthy. Nothing else mattered until her father entered my room after the delivery and began asking me questions for which I was certain he had now completely lost his mind. He was convinced this baby was not his and his reasoning was simple; she looked nothing like his side of the family. Then began the accusations of infidelity. “You’ve obviously been screwing around and I’m not going to stand for this.”
At that time, I didn’t understand that mentality and so I decided that if he left us, we’d all be better for it, but unfortunately, he did not leave. For the next 13 years, he would ask me, “who is her father?” I did everything I could not to snap back and just simply said, “when you look in the mirror, you have your answer.” I told him he should ask the hospital to do a blood test to determine whether she was his but he would always shrug it off.
I’m certain he shared his “genetic” concerns with his mother as she was always indifferent toward me and my youngest daughter. It broke my heart to see her treated so horribly. She was ignored or brushed aside whenever my oldest daughter would enter the room.
After moving to King City, I decided his mother was no longer allowed to be around me and the girls. He attempted to argue the point with me but he lost. I simply told him her behavior was evil, mean and nasty. She hated me and our youngest daughter and that was unacceptable. No sooner did I make this decision, his mother showed up with her daughter and grandson in tow, driving a VW bus van with flowers and other things painted all over it. As always, I made every effort to get along with her, and I invited them to stay for dinner. Their visit was cut short when his mother, after getting up from the dinner table, thought it was alright to light up a cigarette in our living room. This was just one more thing that showed me how much she hated me and wanted nothing more than to cause me pain as I was allergic to cigarette smoke. After asking her to take it outside, she left and I thought she was going to leave however within minutes she was at the front door asking to come in. I told my ex she was no longer welcome in our house or around our daughters. I’m not sure where my boldness came from, but I knew I had to protect me and my daughters as he was never going to do so.
Soon after this impromptu visit by his mother, my ex stated that I was to no longer have contact with his sister mostly due to her being married to and involved with parolees and he used a few flowery terms to describe his sister as though she were scum of the earth. It was horrible.
I wanted to remain in contact with her and my nephew but also knew that I would hit a brick wall when it came to dealing with him. My daughters and I loved their auntie and cousin very much and deserved to know them but he wasn’t having it. His sister married yet another parolee and had another child. I talked my ex into travelling to SJ to meet our new nephew but the visit was cut short when her new husbands’ friends arrived and my ex said he knew they were gangsters and it was time for us to leave.
I wish I had stood up to him, over the years, and made it a point to stay in touch with his sister and her precious boys.
His mother is gone now, but unfortunately the negative memories are etched in my brain forever.